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INTERESTING ARTICLES
What's Up Doc?
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the
life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than
an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
Pain...Good!
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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?
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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"
Here are the Best T-shirts, which ran recently in the Washington Post:
· God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends
· My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips
· Senior Citizen: Give Me My Damn Discount
· (Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If You Can Read This, My wife Fell Off
· I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now
· Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did a Little Shopping
· What If the Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About?
· Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some Things Are Just Better Rich
· Liberal Arts Major.. Will Think for Food
· Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen
· Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law
· If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen
· First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, Closed
· In Dog Years, I'm Dead
· Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is a Real Eye Opener
· If at First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't for You
· The Trouble With the Gene Pool Is That There's No Lifeguard
· Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It'll Be a Great Trade
· I'm Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes
· Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well
· A Day Without Sunshine is Like Night
· First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order
· Old Age Comes at a Bad Time
· In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's One of the Risks You Take
· Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
· I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
· You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
· BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
· So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
· The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
· Internal Revenue Service): We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
· Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
· Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
· As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
· Hang up and drive.
· I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
· God must love stupid people...He made SO many.
· Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
· I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
· Where there's a will. .I want to be in it.
· Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
· Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
· Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
· God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
· I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
· Keep honking while I reload.
· Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
· Who were the testers for Preparations A through G?
· Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
· 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
· EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.
· If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
· If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
· Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
· Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
· Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
· My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that
· Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't reelect them!
All my life I knew that there was all the money you could want out there.
All you have to do is go after it.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Action is the real measure of intelligence.
A computer won't clean up the errors in your manual of procedures.
It's better that it should make you sick than that you don't eat it at all.
In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one.
Nothing can have as its destination anything other than its origin.
The contrary idea, the idea of progress, is poison.
It is better to create than to learn! Creating is the essence of life.
It's not the bulls and bears you need to avoid -- it's the bum steers.
Good friends are good for your health.
Freedom is just chaos with better lighting.
Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.
It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it.
If all the economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
Don't wait to be a great man -- be a great boy.
The art of letters will come to an end before A.D. 2000. I shall survive as a curiosity.
One brave deed makes no hero.
a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved, by others.
A person wrapped up in himself makes a small package.
